Making Sense of the Holiday Blues

For many, the holidays mean rest and relaxation, a time to recharge around family. Most students see it as a time to unwind from stressful classwork and regroup for the year ahead.

But for some, the most wonderful time of the year becomes something else entirely. With expectations high for the weeks away, some students wind up frustrated about the reality of their time with family. They struggle to see eye-to-eye with parents or siblings and, ultimately, to feel at home. And they end up with feelings of disappointment, sadness and even depression.

“All manner of mental health problems can occur during the holiday season,” says John Vincent, a psychology professor at the University of Houston and a former director of the school’s Clinical Psychology Program.

Facing the Holiday Blues

College is a time of enormous transition. Set free from the grasp of parents, students take stock of their identity and learn how to sustain themselves. Much of the change is positive, Vincent says. But so much can occur during the course of a semester that families can struggle to accept and adjust to an evolved form of their son, daughter or sibling.

“It’s not uncommon for families to regard the person coming back home as if they were still at a previous point in time—treating them like children or having difficulty accepting that a lot has changed,” Vincent says. “Family members haven’t necessarily been brought up to speed on what those changes look like.”

The challenges can also be compounded by existing family stress.

“There can often be tension,” he says. “So, when the holidays approach, many people view them with a certain amount of dread.” Based on prior experience, Vincent says, students may feel as if something bad will inevitably occur.

But the situation isn’t hopeless. Communication at the front end of the holidays can go a long way to smooth out the experience. Parents and students should be intentional about discussing what the student has learned and how their life view may have shifted. It’s even more important for students who’ve just begun their college experience, as freshman tend to experience the most striking transitions.

“I think a great place to start is just by sharing,” says Vincent. “’This is what the experience has been like for me. This is what I’ve learned. This is what I’ve learned about myself. And this is how I see the world in a new way and have a new perspective on the way things are.’"

It's also important for both sides to come into the holidays with an open mind. Parents should go easy when it comes to imposing their will on the student’s schedule.

“Many families have some idea of, ‘These are the things we do,’ and the expectation is that the student has to sort of fit back into whatever the traditions are,” Vincent says. “It's probably better to have more of a discussion and say, ‘Hey, these are the things that are really important. These are the things that are more optional. And let's talk about how we can maximize the time we're together so that everybody gets to do as much of what they want as they can.’”

Embracing Self Care and Getting Help

Of course, sometimes it helps to have someone outside the family to talk to. That’s where CoogsCARE, the University of Houston’s compendium of mental health and wellness support, comes in.

CoogsCARE brings together a variety of resources and training for students, faculty and staff. Students can partake in individual or group therapy through UH Counseling and Psychological Services or see a psychiatrist at the Student Health Center Psychiatry Clinic. They can chat with a diverse and safe community to share their feelings and offer support through Together all, an online peer-to-peer community available 24/7. Some students may prefer to start with Welltrack Boost, an interactive, self-guided application that helps people understand and work on their own behavioral health and wellness.

But UH’s offerings don’t stop there. From spiritual guidance to help with addiction recovery, CoogsCARE provides a variety of resources to fit each person’s need. Even if that need is as simple as a student dreading the reality they face when they head home for holiday break.

“The University is stepping up and making sure we’re providing the resources and support that students need during these times of transition,” Vincent says.

Vincent encourages students to familiarize themselves with the resources available through CoogsCARE, and to not hesitate to set an initial appointment with a counselor or therapist to see how the school’s resources can best assist.

“Once that first step is made, it’s really just about going and talking to the mental health professional about the concern and some of the challenges they’ve been having emotionally,” he says. “Sleep problems, depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts, obviously, are very important to be able to acknowledge and flag.”

The good news: Vincent has noticed students are becoming more and more open to the idea of getting help. With COVID-19 came a tremendous increase in mental health problems, as people struggled to find a release while confined within their homes and amid shrinking opportunities to socialize. The silver lining, though, is just how much society embraced the idea of self-care.

“That is a hugely important, positive shift in our society,” Vincent says. “You see a lot more TV spots acknowledging mental health challenges and the resources that are available. People realize that when they feel alone and isolated and don’t know what to do, there are terrific resources available to help them navigate those times.”

Even with an increase in awareness, it can be difficult to take the plunge and reach out for help. But it’s worth it, Vincent says.

“That first step may be difficult,” he says, “but once you take it, it opens the door to some positive change that will help make things go much smoother.”