A Guide to Healthy Relationships and Connections

J.R. Rubinsky

To no one’s surprise, your time in college is replete with all sorts of new experiences. For many it is the first time away from home, the first time adjusting to freedom, and the first time in a long while to make new friends and forge relationships.

The intertwining of college life and relationship connections has long been noted by the Department of Education. According to the DOE, “Intimate relationships provide mutual support, mutual fulfillment, and promote positive growth and development.”

The key, of course, is to engage in healthy relationships, but unfortunately that often does not happen.

J.R. Rubinsky is the assistant director of the sexual violence prevention and education program at UH Wellness. Their interest is in violence prevention, sexual health, relationships, LGBTQ+ identities and restorative justice.

“All oppression is connected and fighting to end sexual violence must include ending all types of violence,” said Rubinsky.

In this article, Rubinsky provides insights on how to recognize healthy and unhealthy relationships and how to get help if needed.

1. What are the key ingredients for a healthy relationship?

A healthy relationship has these characteristics: they have fun together, each person is kind, there is independence, honesty, trust, and there is healthy conflict. The relationship goes at a comfortable pace, both people feel equal, and both people take responsibility for themselves and their actions.

2. How can someone choose the right partner? Describe what they should be looking for in a partner?

Respect, equality, safety, and trust are the four characteristics that shape a healthy relationship. These characteristics must be presented without conditions, exception or pressure and each person can respond or act in a way that everyone is comfortable with.

3. Unfortunately, some relationships can become emotionally or physically abusive. What advice do you give to students in those situations?

Dating abuse is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control over a partner – emotional and physical abuse are examples of this behavior. No one deserves to experience abuse in any capacity and every type of abuse is serious.

I recommend students reach out to Love is Respect by texting LOVEIS to 22522.

Some resources on campus include:

Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS)

Sexual Misconduct Support Services at 713-743-1076 or smss@uh.edu

Equal Opportunity Services to report sexual misconduct

Rubinsky facilitates workshops on healthy relationships and sexual health, trauma-informed education, and programming workshops around the nine dimensions of wellbeing. You can contact Rubinsky at jrubinsk@central.uh.edu